How To Handle Stress

{ November 28, 2009 @ 10:43 pm } · { Humor }
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Here is a list on the many ways you could handle stress.

  1. Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
  2. Use your MasterCard to pay your VISA bill.
  3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
  4. When somebody says, “Have a nice day!”, tell them you have other plans.
  5. During  your next meeting, sneeze and then loudly suck the phlegm back down your throat.
  6. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
  7. Make a list of things you have already done.
  8. Dance naked in front of pets.
  9. Put your toddler’s clothes on backwards and send him off to pre-school as if nothing were wrong.
  10. Thumb through “National Geographic” and draw underwear on the natives.
  11. Go shopping.  Buy everything.  Sweat in them.  Return them the next day.
  12. Drive to work in reverse.
  13. Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.
  14. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it gets back to you.
  15. Bill your doctor for the time you spent in his waiting room.
  16. Get a box of condoms.  Wait in line at the check-out counter and ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are.

A Witch’s Brew and Ghoul Stew

{ October 19, 2009 @ 8:55 am } · { Poetry, writing }
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Just in time for Halloween!  Here’s a poem I wrote a year or so ago.  Enjoy!

A Witch’s Brew And Ghoul Stew
My rendition of the old rhyme.

Bubble bubble, toil and trouble.
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.

Grain of sand and newt’s eyebrow.
Toe of frog and a dead man’s hand.

Ghoul’s eyeball and leg of bat,
Simple rat and an ounce of fat.

Bubble bubble, toil and trouble.
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.

Werewolve’s heart and tongue of dog.
Scale of snake and spleen of frog.

A centaur’s hoof and Angel’s wing,
An owl’s claw and evil wasp sting.

Bubble bubble, toil and trouble.
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.

A griffin’s beak, sea serpent’s eye.
A talon where dragon things lie.

Unicorn’s horn and Cerberus tooth,
A Phoenix feather and a vampire’s youth.

Come now and mix up this brew
But not before stirring it through and through

Now just stick it in the freezer for ten heart beats….
Wow! What delicious and wonderful treats!

You Know You’re a Child of the 80’s When…

{ October 8, 2009 @ 4:54 am } · { Humor }
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I have always loved lists like these.  Those lists of thing you remember back when you were growing up.  Thoses lists that make you remember back to the decade of your youth.  In my case, the 80’s.  I could say the 90’s as well, but I won’t….because I was truely young in the 80’s, and I love the memories of such a young age.

Here is a list of why you know you’re a child of the 80’s when…

  • You remember Don Johnson when he was “cool”
  • You know who shot J.R
  • You remember when Michael Jackson was actually considered something of a sex symbol
  • You practice getting in and out of your car through the windows
  • You owned at least one skinny leather tie.
  • Your first Walkman weighed 10 pounds and was the size of a brick.
  • You wore L.A. Gear tennis shoes.
  • You know the meaning of Wax on/Wax Off
  • You’re always “in the mood for dancing”
  • If you can “See Better” with sunglasses that have paint splattered all over the lenses.
  • You wore lace gloves with the fingers cut off, bangle bracelets up to your elbows, bright red
        Reebok high tops and parachute pants to a school dance
  • You need a shopping cart to carry your personal stereo with you.
  • You remember what Michael Jackson looked like before the surgery.
  • You go rollerskating every Friday night (not to skate, but to ‘hang out’)
  • You still want to take Karate…(after you move to California)
  • You watch NYPD Blue thinking, “Well, they’re no Crockett and Tubbs, that’s for sure”.
  • “Outrageous!” is the term to describe something neat and cool
  • You think that Garbage Pail Kids are your children’s worst enemy
  • You had a poster of Bo, Luke & Daisy Duke
  • There was nothing to question about Bert n’ Ernie living together
  • The feeling in your thumb is only now just returning after holding down the Atari joystick to
        control the racecar in Enduro Racer
  • You went out and purchased the sound track for ‘Miami Vice’
  • You remember the magazines of song lyrics
  • If you think Hulk Hogan is the best wrestler of all time.
  • If the best non-slasher movie in your opinion is An American Werewolf In London.
  • Two words: The Clapper.
  • Six words: “This is your brain on drugs.”
  • You want to live in ‘the Valley’.
  • Ferris Bueller was your idol.
  • You watched ‘Star Search’ on a regular basis.
  • You can sing all the words to “One Night in Bangkok” by Murray Head, and now you understand
        that it is about chess.
  • If you had an entire wardrobe of Esprit clothing (or coveted one.)
  • If you know the words to the “Oscar Mayer” theme songs
  • Your bangs are teased perfectly to 7 inches above the rest of your hair.
  • Have multi-colored earrings that touch your shoulders
  • Played Upwords, Boggle or Trivial Pursuit (the original) on a rainy afternoon
  • You’re still bitter that WHAM broke up
  • You know whose phone number is 867-5309
  • You drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to
  • You can feel St. Elmo’s fire burnin’ in you.
  • You still wear a bandana tied around your leg and/or a ponytail off-center on the side of your
        head.
  • You have the tendency to turn up the collar of your polo shirts
  • You never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eyeshadow and feathered bangs
  • Everything in your wardrobe is either pastel or fluorescent
  • People are constantly gagging you with spoons.
  • You know all the words to “I’m just a bill, sitting up on Capitol Hill” and “School House Rock.”
  • The phrase “Where’s the beef?” still doubles you over with laughter.
  • You still can’t believe that Milli Vanilli was deceiving you all that time
  • Every now and then, you blurt out: “Ooh noo, Mr. Bill!!!”
  • You still watch things on Beta tapes
  • You know who Martha Quinn is.
  • You still carry your boom box on your shoulder
  • You think David Hasselhoff was awesome in Knight Rider but sucks in “Boob Watch.”
  • You wanted to be “The Hulk” for halloween
  • A piece of folded paper and two hands could tell your fortune.
  • Knickers and leg warmers were cool
  • If you remember Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, not Die Hard
  • You had ringside seats for Luke and Laura’s wedding
  • You ever had a Dorothy Hammill haircut.
  • You thought a Commodore 64 was the highest technology available
  • When you saw luging at the Winter Olympics you poured water down your driveway and tried it
        yourself.
  • You want to be “Where Everybody Knows Your Name”
  • ‘A Different World’ kicked butt
  • Remember “Dancin’ to a Big Mac at McDonalds!”
  • You know who played Magnum P.I
  • One Phrase, “The Plane, The Plane”
  • You can name at least three members of the Brat Pack
  • Still think banana clips were a godsend
  • Still wear Wet n’ Wild makeup
  • If your idea of hi-tech toys is still the heat-sensitive color-changing sticker on Transformers
  • You ever wanted to learn to play “Stairway to Heaven” on the guitar and choreographed “Dancing
        Queen” by yourself in your room.
  • You still wear your “Members Only” jacket.
  • You still have a couple of those barettes made of woven ribbons.
  • You had snap bracelets
  • You remember when Pee-Wee wasn’t a pervert.
  • You had had five pairs of socks on at any given time
  • You still think Donkey Kong can beat Mario up
  • If you still have your scratch-n-sniff sticker collection
  • If you ever used Lee Press-On Nails
  • If you wear jelly shoes
  • If you remember when you heard that drinking soda and eating Pop Rocks would make your
        stomach explode
  • You still play with that CASIO SK-1 Keyboard
  • You’re still hoping for a New Kids on the Block reunion tour
  • You still argue over who was better: Tiffany or Debbie Gibson
  • Every time you hear the “OH YEAH…” song you think of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”
  • You still watch tapes of Stingray, McGyver, and Airwolf

    • This list is from the website http://www.80smusiclyrics.com/humor.shtml

    Daquine

    Fatal Things To Say To Your Pregnant Wife

    { August 31, 2009 @ 12:23 am } · { Humor }
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    This list I found stashed deep in one of my desk drawers as I was looking through some of my things, and I thought I would share with you the wisdom that can come of these humorous lists.  This list was dated 1998!  Do you think I should actually clean out my desk once in a while?  lol.

    Anyway, here we are, the list of what could kill you if you were to say these things to your pregnant wife..

    “Not to imply anything, but I don’t think the kid weighs forty pounds.”

    “Y’know, looking at her, you’d never know that Pamela Lee had a baby.”

    “I sure hope your thighs aren’t gonna stay that flabby forever!”

    “Well, couldn’t they induce labor?  The 25th is the Super Bowl.”

    “Damn if you ain’t about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella!”

    “Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea.  Boy that’s gotta hurt!”

    “Whoa!  For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!”

    “I’m jealous!  Why can’t men experience the joy of childbirth?”

    “Are your ankles supposed to look like that?”

    “Get your *own* ice cream, Buddha!”

    “Geez, you’re awfully puffy looking today!”

    “Got milk?”

    “Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.”

    “Man!  That rose tatoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!”

    “Retaining water?  Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water.”

    Fun Things To Say in a Public Restroom

    { August 31, 2009 @ 12:19 am } · { Uncategorized }
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    Fun Things To Say in a Public Restroom
    By “Richard”, Posted 21 November, 2003 on www.funny.co.uk

    1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour, “May I borrow a highlighter?”

    2. Say “Uh oh, I knew I shouldn’t put my lips on that.”

    3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

    4. Say, “Hmmm, I’ve never seen that color before.”

    5. Drop a marble and say, “Oh shoot! My glass eye!”

    6. Say “Darn, this water is cold.”

    7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

    8. Say, “Now how did that get there?”

    9. Say, “Humus. Reminds me of humus.”

    10. Fill up a large flask with apple juice. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbours while yelling, “Whoa! Easy boy!!”

    11. Say, “Interesting….more sinkers than floaters”

    12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor.  Then say, “Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

    13. Say, “C’mon Mr. Happy! Don’t fall asleep on me!

    14. Say, “Boy, that sure looks like a maggot”

    15. Say, “Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small.  Now what am I gonna do?”

    16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks

    17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your “Cross-Dressers Anonymous” newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

    18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it
    so you can see your neighbor and say, “Oooh, you might want to get a doctor to check that out”

    19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing “Born Free.”

    My Day and Gears of War

    { August 11, 2009 @ 4:01 am } · { Xbox, Xbox 360, games }
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    Hello folks. Good to see you all once again.

    Well, several things have happened today.  I went over to see my friend, who’s been having alot of problems of late.  Problems in life and all that.  These problem I won’t go into, because that wouldn’t be cool to yap about issues like that over a public blog, and besides, there would be too many things to talk about anyhow.

    So after hanging out with my friend, I rode my bike up to Game Crazy, which I didn’t find a dang thing that was all that good.  I was looking for BioShock for the PS3, but I couldn’t find it.

    So, after about five minutes at that particular store, I rode all the way up to Game Stop, where I relaxed a little while in the air conditioned store.  I was really warm.  The sun isn’t my friend on bike rides.  Anyhow, I looked around the store, and I asked a clerk there if they had BioShock there and how much it was, but they said it looked as if it wasn’t in stock at the moment, and that it would be worth at least $25.  Oye.  I was hoping for at least 15-20 dollars.  After all, I DID get Dead Space for $15.

    But after looking around, I went to the Xbox 360 section.  Now, the crazy thing is that I don’t even own a 360.  So why in the hell was I in that section?  I’ll tell you why.  Because I wanted to!!!!  HA!

    No, but seriously, I was there because my sister and her husband have a 360.  Yup.  So after looking around, I saw Gears of War.  The game, I noticed, was only 18 bucks.  I went a head and just decided to get it and be done with it.  I could always use the achievments anyway.

    Although I did pick up Gears of War, I still would like to get some more PS3 games.  I am more of a trophy whore anyway.  Achievements are great, but Trophies, I like a bit more since I actually own a PS3.

    Also, this could be a trial for me, but I think I am going to start up another WordPress blog where I write reviews for games.  I might give my opinions and stuff on here, but I would like to see if I can start doing a more “professional” type review blog.  We’ll see how it goes I guess.  I think Gears of War might be the first title I do, depending on if and when I can beat the game.

    Anyway, I’ll chat with you all later!
    Daquine

    Day of the Dogs….And Heat

    { July 30, 2009 @ 6:47 am } · { Movies, PS3, dogs, games, video games, yellow labs }
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     Oh, my friends, what a week I’ve had.  It had them making of a major Hollywood motion picture with a 150 million dollar budget.  It had sweat, it had heat, and yes, the action flew through the air like dog hair.

    Or it didn’t.  Or did it?

    In truth, I didn’t have quite that sort of week that would constitute adapting a major motion picture.  But, I will say there WAS sweat, there WAS heat, and yes, there was dog hair.  Let me explain, more in depth if I may.

    On Saturday, I was to stay at my sister’s place through Tuesday, watching their yellow labs, Lily and Sami.  I was on my own the entire time, with nobody there.  I was alone, except for the two sweet girls I just mentioned.  One of the things that made the week unbearable was the freaking heat.  We’re talking at least 100 degrees practically the entire four days.  And NO air conditioning!!  I walked around doing stuff, I sweated.  I sat there, I sweated.  I layed down to go to sleep, and yes, I sweated.

    But luckily I had stuff that, in a way, helped keep that heat off my mind, at least for a little while.  I was able to get, on Saturday morning, before the sister, the husband and their four kids all packed up to leave, Final Fantasy VII Advent Children Complete on Blu-Ray.  Watching this thing on their (I think) 72” HDTV was pretty sweet.

    Also, on Saturday, dispite the horrible heat that threatened to devour my soul and leave my body a sweat covered dead corpse from sun death (ok, I”m being overly dramatic, or just stupid) I thought I would go out and do some quick garage sale-ing.  I went to two of them to be exact.  The first one was just plain lame.  Nothing but that kind of crap people think they can actually pawn off on to others.  Cups, glasses, tupperware, some carrying bags and a random assortment of clothing.

    So after a brief look around the lame excuse for a garage sale (but alas, I have seen worse garage sales.  One I honestly can’t see how they could have legally called it a garage sale, it was just a few boxs worth of cups and a few randon household stuff….it was that sad), I rode off on my bike to one of the nicer neighborhoods that I am not that familiar with, one of the neighborhoods that has alot of hills and turns, so I hope I didn’t get lost coming back, effectively getting myself trapped outside in the heat of the afternoon sun.

    But I digress.  I finally locate this second garage sale, and it was by fire better than the first one.  It actually had a nice variety of things for sale.  And the good thing was they were selling the stuff for rather cheap, and I mean cheap even for a garage sale.  I automatically headed for the books.  Books are thing when I garage sale.  I rarely look at anything else.  On a few execptions, I have boughten a Backgammon, Checkers and Chess in One game, a copy of Monopoly Millinium Edition (which only came with three peices) and some computer games).

    As I looked through the books I was told by one of the ladies there that all the books, hardcover and paperback, where all 25 cents each.  That’s an aweome deal, even by garage sale standards, I was drawn to a bunch of the Left Behind books.  I automatically, but silently in my own mind, squealed with joy.  What would the other people around me think if I actually did that outloud?  I quickly picked up books two through six (I already have the first book at home I got at a previous garage sale from the last year’s garage sales).  All for $1.25.  Sweet!  Quickly, I rode with my paper back treasures so I could get out of the sun, and start sweating inside the house instead of outside in the sun.

    Later that day, I finally sat down to watch Advent Children.

    SPOILER:  ANYONE WHO IS STILL PLAYING THE GAME DEAD SPACE PLEASE SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF THEY DON’T WANT THE ENDING SPOILED.  Also, during my stay, I managed to finally beat Dead Space for the PS3.  Man, that Kendra chick…I thought should would have been a good guy, because there is a trophy you can get called Betrayed.  For a while, I thought this one character who was a scientist onboard the Ishimura (the ship your trapped on) would take the only escape ships and leave us hanging to find a way off that metal coffin called a ship.  But NOOOOO……Kendra turned traitor and was deservingly KILLED by the Hive Mind.  How’s THAT for karma BITCH!!???

    I did some moderate reading as well.  I read some of my book of Angels and Demons.  I already read The Da Vinci Code, so I think I should obviously read through this prequel.  At this point I’m almost done with it, and soon I can actually carry on to my Left Behind books.

    What was so funny though, was throughout this entire four day stay at my sister’s place, I had this idea that I would try having a Friends marathon (they own the entire SERIES, all ten seasons!), but I only managed to squeeze in one season.  Oye.

    And aside from some other extra things I did through out the four days I was there, like swimming and generally trying to stay cool, that’s about it.  Everybody got home last night at about midnight, and I’m sure that every single person in that car had to be exhausted beyond belief.  I think it was a four hour drive to where they were coming back from.  It’s crazy.  My butt would be so numb, if not sore from all that driving.

    Ok, even though I am already home at this point in the week, I’d still might as well make mention of this since I’m in the blogging frame of mind right now.  I was at the store today, and got a copy of Zack and Wiki: Quest for Barbaro’s Treasure.  I traded in Oblivion GOTY, which netted me 8 bucks, and was able to get Zack and Wiki.  I hope that trade isn’t going to turn around and bite me in the ass!  lol.

    Wow, I can’t believe that I’ve typed this much.  I really had alot of stuff to talk about tonight.  I guess I had alot of material to sort through and talk about.  Thanks for sticking through this endless rambling!

    Take care you guys!  Until next time!
    Daquine

    Sheds and Dead Spaces

    { July 13, 2009 @ 5:05 am } · { PS3, games, video games }
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    Hello folks!  It’s me again, your favorite neighborhood Daquine!

    Today, I did a couple of things today.  Well, for one, I helped tear apart a tool shed.  Too bad it wasn’t those old aluminum ones either.  It was a big shouldn’t-be-taken-down kind of sheds.  This one went down with a little attitude.  You could tell it was put together so it wouldn’t be flimsy and come apart in two years.  This thing was put together WELL.  Of course, it was put together by my grandpa who was a carpenter when he was working.  So yeah, he got that bad boy to stick together.

    The other thing I did today was ride up to Game Crazy.  I picked up Dead Space for $15, not a bad price.  It was cool.  The thing that got me was that it seemed that the everybody and their brother was there.  Two people were at the counter there for the longest freaking time being helped and I was getting thouroghly getting miffed just at the obscene amount of time it took them to finally get helped.  And then every person there was getting helped.  One kid had what looked like at least half a dozen games to trade in, so I was just getting up to a boilling point.  I finally got helped though luckily.  Got the game and got home.

    But of course that was when I helped with the shed.  I got a well deserved shower out of it that day.  I’m definantly worn out from today to be honest.  I also found out my MVP card expires in a few weeks.  I should try to get in and do any necessary trade ins if I can before it expires.  I could always go for the Orange Box.  Or something else.  Something with trophies would be cool.  I could go with more trophies.

    Plus, my PS3 audio/video cable is missing.  Luckily, I got an extra one since I got a PS2 as well.  The only problem is that it only pumps out the sound for the left channel.  That totally sucks.  I hope I can find my cable so I can play that game the way it needs to be play….minimalist stereo sound baby!  Ha!!

    Daquine

    Website SEO Projects and Oddities.

    { July 10, 2009 @ 3:23 am } · { seo, websites }
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    Not long ago, we at www.99seoreports.com pulled a report on a site, which will remain un-named for privacy reasons, was very interesting to work on.  Basically, it was legal weed.  Call it what you want…weed, marijiuana, cannabis.  It’s crazy to really see what’s out there in the world of smoking.

    For those of us who are “weed virgins” will find it very  enlightening what is out there as far as the variety of cannabis types and accessories there really are.  There’s even a type of plant called Stunk.  Based on it’s name, I think you can get why it’s called that.  There are accessories called Vapor Vaporizers.  Weird stuff.

    If this is the type of sites that I have to look forward to, then I can’t wait to see what other types of sites there are out there to get my grubby little hands into.

    Daquine

    MJ Ghost????

    { July 7, 2009 @ 6:56 am } · { Music }
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    Whoa man!  I went to check out my twitter account, and somebody on there showed a youtube clip at Micheal Jackson’s home, and you can see….well….you be the judge.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Am67-Sew7k&feature=player_embedded

    Scary stuff.

    Daquine

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