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Fun Things To Say in a Public Restroom

Fun Things To Say in a Public Restroom
By “Richard”, Posted 21 November, 2003 on www.funny.co.uk

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbour, “May I borrow a highlighter?”

2. Say “Uh oh, I knew I shouldn’t put my lips on that.”

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

4. Say, “Hmmm, I’ve never seen that color before.”

5. Drop a marble and say, “Oh shoot! My glass eye!”

6. Say “Darn, this water is cold.”

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, “Now how did that get there?”

9. Say, “Humus. Reminds me of humus.”

10. Fill up a large flask with apple juice. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbours while yelling, “Whoa! Easy boy!!”

11. Say, “Interesting….more sinkers than floaters”

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor.  Then say, “Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?

13. Say, “C’mon Mr. Happy! Don’t fall asleep on me!

14. Say, “Boy, that sure looks like a maggot”

15. Say, “Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small.  Now what am I gonna do?”

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your “Cross-Dressers Anonymous” newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it
so you can see your neighbor and say, “Oooh, you might want to get a doctor to check that out”

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing “Born Free.”

Day of the Dogs….And Heat

 Oh, my friends, what a week I’ve had.  It had them making of a major Hollywood motion picture with a 150 million dollar budget.  It had sweat, it had heat, and yes, the action flew through the air like dog hair.

Or it didn’t.  Or did it?

In truth, I didn’t have quite that sort of week that would constitute adapting a major motion picture.  But, I will say there WAS sweat, there WAS heat, and yes, there was dog hair.  Let me explain, more in depth if I may.

On Saturday, I was to stay at my sister’s place through Tuesday, watching their yellow labs, Lily and Sami.  I was on my own the entire time, with nobody there.  I was alone, except for the two sweet girls I just mentioned.  One of the things that made the week unbearable was the freaking heat.  We’re talking at least 100 degrees practically the entire four days.  And NO air conditioning!!  I walked around doing stuff, I sweated.  I sat there, I sweated.  I layed down to go to sleep, and yes, I sweated.

But luckily I had stuff that, in a way, helped keep that heat off my mind, at least for a little while.  I was able to get, on Saturday morning, before the sister, the husband and their four kids all packed up to leave, Final Fantasy VII Advent Children Complete on Blu-Ray.  Watching this thing on their (I think) 72” HDTV was pretty sweet.

Also, on Saturday, dispite the horrible heat that threatened to devour my soul and leave my body a sweat covered dead corpse from sun death (ok, I”m being overly dramatic, or just stupid) I thought I would go out and do some quick garage sale-ing.  I went to two of them to be exact.  The first one was just plain lame.  Nothing but that kind of crap people think they can actually pawn off on to others.  Cups, glasses, tupperware, some carrying bags and a random assortment of clothing.

So after a brief look around the lame excuse for a garage sale (but alas, I have seen worse garage sales.  One I honestly can’t see how they could have legally called it a garage sale, it was just a few boxs worth of cups and a few randon household stuff….it was that sad), I rode off on my bike to one of the nicer neighborhoods that I am not that familiar with, one of the neighborhoods that has alot of hills and turns, so I hope I didn’t get lost coming back, effectively getting myself trapped outside in the heat of the afternoon sun.

But I digress.  I finally locate this second garage sale, and it was by fire better than the first one.  It actually had a nice variety of things for sale.  And the good thing was they were selling the stuff for rather cheap, and I mean cheap even for a garage sale.  I automatically headed for the books.  Books are thing when I garage sale.  I rarely look at anything else.  On a few execptions, I have boughten a Backgammon, Checkers and Chess in One game, a copy of Monopoly Millinium Edition (which only came with three peices) and some computer games).

As I looked through the books I was told by one of the ladies there that all the books, hardcover and paperback, where all 25 cents each.  That’s an aweome deal, even by garage sale standards, I was drawn to a bunch of the Left Behind books.  I automatically, but silently in my own mind, squealed with joy.  What would the other people around me think if I actually did that outloud?  I quickly picked up books two through six (I already have the first book at home I got at a previous garage sale from the last year’s garage sales).  All for $1.25.  Sweet!  Quickly, I rode with my paper back treasures so I could get out of the sun, and start sweating inside the house instead of outside in the sun.

Later that day, I finally sat down to watch Advent Children.

SPOILER:  ANYONE WHO IS STILL PLAYING THE GAME DEAD SPACE PLEASE SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF THEY DON’T WANT THE ENDING SPOILED.  Also, during my stay, I managed to finally beat Dead Space for the PS3.  Man, that Kendra chick…I thought should would have been a good guy, because there is a trophy you can get called Betrayed.  For a while, I thought this one character who was a scientist onboard the Ishimura (the ship your trapped on) would take the only escape ships and leave us hanging to find a way off that metal coffin called a ship.  But NOOOOO……Kendra turned traitor and was deservingly KILLED by the Hive Mind.  How’s THAT for karma BITCH!!???

I did some moderate reading as well.  I read some of my book of Angels and Demons.  I already read The Da Vinci Code, so I think I should obviously read through this prequel.  At this point I’m almost done with it, and soon I can actually carry on to my Left Behind books.

What was so funny though, was throughout this entire four day stay at my sister’s place, I had this idea that I would try having a Friends marathon (they own the entire SERIES, all ten seasons!), but I only managed to squeeze in one season.  Oye.

And aside from some other extra things I did through out the four days I was there, like swimming and generally trying to stay cool, that’s about it.  Everybody got home last night at about midnight, and I’m sure that every single person in that car had to be exhausted beyond belief.  I think it was a four hour drive to where they were coming back from.  It’s crazy.  My butt would be so numb, if not sore from all that driving.

Ok, even though I am already home at this point in the week, I’d still might as well make mention of this since I’m in the blogging frame of mind right now.  I was at the store today, and got a copy of Zack and Wiki: Quest for Barbaro’s Treasure.  I traded in Oblivion GOTY, which netted me 8 bucks, and was able to get Zack and Wiki.  I hope that trade isn’t going to turn around and bite me in the ass!  lol.

Wow, I can’t believe that I’ve typed this much.  I really had alot of stuff to talk about tonight.  I guess I had alot of material to sort through and talk about.  Thanks for sticking through this endless rambling!

Take care you guys!  Until next time!
Daquine

Saw The Videogame Update

Well, quite a while ago, I did a blog entry about Saw the video game.  I was like, yeah, that’s gonna be a good game.  Note the sarcasm.  Although I thought the movies were good, excluding V, which sucks because of a couple reasons, but I won’t go into it right now.  Anyway, I finally saw some screen shots of the game.  I’m still not convinced it will be a good game.  I mean, come on.

Saw: The Videogame Screenshot

Saw: The Videogame Screenshot

Daquine

Chrono-ish Triggers and Shadowy Colossi Abound

‘Ello all you folks out there in Blog and WordPress land!  I’m back again to tell you of the inane, strange and potentially boring news EVER!  Well, I can’t say it’s the most boring news “ever” persay, I would say that many of you would hear what i have to say, look at me, and then give me that raised eyebrow of disbelief and mutter a confused “huh?” when I tell you more about the reasoning behind the title.

Anyone who knows anything about gaming will probably recognize two different games in the title of this blog, Chrono Trigger and Shadow of the Colossus.  Well, basically, even though there really isn’t any reason I should be blogging about something as mundane as this, but I thought I’d let you know I’ve beaten Chrono Trigger for the second time, procuring (spelling?) the second ending of the game, Reunion.  This is when Crono, the main character, and yes, “Crono” is spelled without the H, dies, and has yet to be revived before beating the final boss, Lavos.  I know, I’ve probably lost my core audience (what audience…lol) by this point, and I haven’t even mentioned the second game.

Today, I bought Shadow of the Colossus for the ps2.  Again, any gamer who’s kept up with gaming at ALL for the last few years will tell me, “are you crazy?  You’re buying a ps2 title!  Get a ps3 game and get with the freakin’ NOW and get away from the bloody THEN!  Tard Nugget!!!”  And you may ask, what is  a tard nugget, I don’t know.  I just made that up, and I actually snickered at that name when I said it outloud just now.  Yes, I snickered, and I’m smiling about it too.  That’s how big of a dork I am, I laugh at my own stupidity.

But anyway, I got Shadow of the Colossus, and it’s pretty cool for being a “boss only” game.  It would be interesting to see a ps3 version of the game someday for a sequel.  I’ve gotten about three or four colossi into the game.  I’m at the giant horsey one right now.  I”m sorry I don’t know the name of the individual creatures in the land of Colossi.

Well, anyway, I hope this blog was as crazy and weird as I thought it was.  Don’t you all go about your day being a Tard Nugget, ok?  Good.

Daquine

R.I.P. Xbox 360

It has happened.  The worst day.  Ever.  Well, not really.  The Xbox 360 I have blogged about in an earlier post about the trial version of Doom died yesterday.  Yes friends, that means it has recieved the Red Ring of Death.

*Sings a sad song of console death*

Daquine

Remembering Saturday Mornings Cartoons…

I was sitting at my computer looking through some pages on the internet called “You know you’re a child of the 80’s when…” lists.  I’m sure alot of you have looked through lists like this.  Even though some might be different for some of you.  Instead of the 80’s, you may be a child of the 70’s or the 90’s.  What ever floats your boat.  But I for one, am a child of the 80’s.

Anway, I was looking at a list, and noticed that one of the entries told about how cartoons were found ONLY on Saturdays.  This made me very nestalgic.  Back in the 80’s there were no cartoons being aired during the weekday,and there sure as heck wasn’t any freakin’ Cartoon Network.

As a child, I remember coming home from school on Friday, being thankful how great it was that the weekend was finally here.  Not only was it a break from the “horrors” of school, but I knew that tomorrow morning, I was going to get up at the butt crack of dawn and watch my Saturday morning cartoon!  It was great.  It was an absolute staple of my childhood, as I’m sure it is with many other kids of my era.  Watching shows like He-Man and Thundercats…wow.

Not long ago, I thought I would look through the tv listings and see what sort of shows kids were watching on Saturday mornings.  Needless to say I was just floored.  Most of the shows were either absolute crap, or shows you could catch during the weekdays.  The greatness was gone.  The excitment of waiting all week just to watch several hours worth of cartoons was gone.  Oh, what has this world come to?  I realize that is over-dramtic, but in some ways, it just feels wrong when I look at the stuff kids are watching nowadays on their Saturdays.  The excitment and coolness is gone.

Gone….

Daquine

Dog Commandments

Being a dog lover, I thought this was pretty cute.

1.
Thou shalt not sniff the crotch of everyone thy encountereth.
2.
Thou shalt not sneak up on me and lick me in the mouth while I am sleeping.
3.
Thou shalt not pass gas in my presence and then walk away as if thou hast been offended by me!
4.
Thou shalt not act half starved whenever thou watchest me eat.
5.
Thou shalt not harmonize with the cat at 3 a.m.
6.
Thou shalt not WATCHEST the cat while she is in her litterbox. (she liketh her privacy)
7.
Thou shalt not lie down next to me and commence making licking and popping noises.
8.
Thou shalt not roll in any smelly stuff thy findeth in the yard.
9.
Thou shalt not run away in pursuit of a good time. (thou hast been neutered)
Thou shalt refrain with becoming overly friendly with my mother-in-law’s leg.
Thou shalt refrain from coughing and gagging while we have company.
Thou shalt not hide thy bones under my pillow.
Thou shalt not drink out of the toilet.
Thou shalt not lift thy leg to water the Christmas tree.
Thou shalt not dig up my favorite rose bush.
Thou shalt keep thy nose out of the cat’s litter box.
Thou shalt not treat my shoes as if they were thy chew toy.